never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Randomize
