So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
