Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
