Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
