Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
