First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
