Your mouth is God's brothel.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
