My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
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