how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
