...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
He kissed a someone with a penis
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
