I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
