Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
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