shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
