why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
