Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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