I want to stick my p in your. b.
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I puked a lego.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
