VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
We left an ass print on the piano.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
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