Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
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