dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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