I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
