Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
