How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Randomize
