P.S. I can't hear my feet
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
