I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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