If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Randomize
