i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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