it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
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