i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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