Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I stole a fireplace last night.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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