i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Randomize
