can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
