Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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