I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
