is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
