Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
