Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Randomize
