Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
