Well apparently he's into motor boating.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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