i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
