I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
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