You just made me feel so damn special
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
