Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Randomize
