oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
