we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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