i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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