Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
