bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
