i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
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