i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
