ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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