I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
